The Internet’s Worst Hiking News Source (TM)
Disappointing over 37 unique visitors since late May 2019
Satire, hiking, enrichment… two out of three ain’t bad.
The Hiking Times strives to consistently underperform the lowest possible expectations while strictly adhering to no journalistic standards whatsoever. Rigorous fact checking ensures that absolutely no content is real. Extensive proofreading enables freedom from conformance to any common usage of the English language.
If you follow any of the advice on this site, The Hiking Times salutes your dedication to improvement of the gene pool through self-eradication.
An integral part of the dirtbag hiker lifestyle is having a net worth that triples when the hiking clothes go through the laundry. In the event that the unthinkable happens, suing us isn’t likely to be worth the time and effort of you or your estate. Have you considered the deep pockets of your gear manufacturer and the entity that owns the land where you were spindled, folded, or mutilated? They look very liable, if you ask us. (We make great expert witnesses too, at extremely reasonable rates… just sayin’.)
Everything posted here is blatantly fabricated. Do not try this at home. Product is sold by weight, not by volume, and contents may have settled during shipping. This site contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer.
Thanks to Pexels for their excellent collection of free stock photos. Pretty much all photos on this site are blatantly taken from whatever search results don’t require scrolling down past the first page.
No persons are intended to be real. Names are all created by an online Name Generator. If your name inadvertently appears here, The Hiking Times wishes to sincerely apologize that your parents saddled you with such an unfortunate moniker.
About the Author:
The Hiking News is courtesy of the slightly bizarre mind of Carl Nelson. He is a professional electron torturer for both fun and profit. In outdoor circles, he is best known for being a longtime subscriber to Backpacker magazine, his daring and inspirational thru-hikes of several semi-well-known local trails of less than 3 1/2 miles, pumping three liters of water without complaint that time a couple years ago, and his uncanny ability to start a fire with only a single lighter. He has successfully spent a lifetime resting on the laurels of a mediocre (at best) Boy Scout career back in the day and a degree from a reputable university that mistakenly admitted him. His love of the outdoors may simply be an extension of a general hatred of people and a desire to engage in activities where poor personal hygiene practices are not regarded disdainfully.
Follow him on Instagram: carlcnelson
If you can read this statement, you can access this website.