BUNKERVILLE, NEVADA — The holiday spirit of an elite hotshot forest fire crew has been dampened by the week’s wet weather. Over an inch of rain has fallen the past few days, ensuring that ignitable timber is not likely to become a conflagration.
“The rain substantially reduces the risk of forest fire caused by fireworks,” states crew leader Bjorn Carney. “Indiscriminate firework use in dry conditions is one of the leading causes of hotshot crew deployment. While none of us here want to see a fire, we get restless just hanging out waiting for one to happen. Usually the Fourth is good for a good blaze or three, so we’re all kind of irritable and edgy around here.”
“Most people see fireworks as just a pretty way to celebrate the birth of our nation, but we hotshots see it as an opportunity to use the skills we train so hard on to the benefit of the people. Because without idiots starting unnecessary fires, we have to pay for our own drinks, get far fewer marriage proposals from pretty but stalking firefighter groupies, and no good stories to tell our kids.”