Dadgum bear ruins $600 cooler

CADES COVE, TENNESSEE – The beloved native wildlife of Great Smoky Mountains National Park has camper Findlay Blundell spitting mad after his Yeti Tundra 160 cooler, valued at $679.99, was torn to pieces by a hungry brown bear.  Mr. Blundell left his cooler out overnight, only to find its pieces scattered throughout the campsite.  “That dadgum bear done ruined my $600 cooler!” he fumed.

Mr. Blundell reports that he would have to venture all the way up to Walmart in Sevierville to get more food, as the bear consumed 9 pounds of bacon, three Miller Lights, 4 pounds of butter, two jars of mayonnaise, two dozen eggs, and a can of whipped cream.  He presented a bill for the replacement value of the cooler to park ranger Kit Hartley.  The bill was promptly withdrawn when Mr. Hartley threatened to write out a citation for improper food storage, and a much-deserved lecture on how easily available food led to habituation of wildlife was dutifully “uh-huh”ed through and promptly forgotten by the irate camper.

Mr. Blundell was able to find a silver lining, though. “At least that doggone bear didn’t hurt the Yeti sticker in my truck window.”

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