Inner peace found contemplating smashing jerk’s Bluetooth speaker

ATTAPULGAS, GEORGIA — Susannah Bender has always sought a quiet trail to soothe the troubled spirit, and on her recent hike she feels she has truly achieved inner peace.  After trail runner Brax Mccabe breezed by her with “Bodak Yellow” blaring from a Bluetooth speaker hung from his hydration pack, she experienced a moment of enlightenment.

“I’m thinking of how many ways I could smash that awful speaker–throwing it over a cliff, running over it with a car, using it for skeet practice, shoving it up one or more of that jerk’s orifices–and the realization hit me,” Ms. Bender said.  “All of nature was united with me in its hatred of this blaring intrusion.  I felt such a sense of harmony, like I was one with the Earth.  It was amazing!” she reports with a contented smile.

Her newfound calm brought with it fresh awareness.  “As I’m moving through this wood, receptive to the ties that bind me with it, I realized how things will take care of themselves.  The rain will ruin the cheaply-made electrical components of the speaker.  The sun will fade the garish electric blue casing.  A critter may one day nest within the shell of the speaker.  And the worms will be there to feed upon his corpse.  Even from this jerk’s aural disturbance comes renewal.  We really are one, and that’s beautiful.”

When interviewed at the end of his hike, Mr. Mccabe credited the music.  “I love to share my beats because music brings so much to my life, bro!  I dig how we all find different things in the tunes.  When I do my cardi-o, I love me some Cardi B!”

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