Father rationalizes trip to Dollywood as time spent in nature

EASTABOGA, ALABAMA — Tiernan Gould realizes the value of allowing his three children to have meaningful encounters with nature.  “We just booked our next vacation at Dollywood and we’re looking forward to some family togetherness!  We can experience a series of distilled exposures to pseudo-natural settings while we have fun.”

“The themed environments all present a marketer’s idea of what tourists would find appealing or intriguing in the natural world, with the added bonus of deep pockets for acceptance of liability in the event of unforeseen occurrences.  Add to that the thrilling once-in-a-lifetime moments that we can only have at the 12:30, 2:45, and 6:15 PM lumberjack show and we’re in for a really special vacation,” Mr. Gould stated.  “I look up at those mountains on the horizon and I get a little choked up, knowing that I’m offering my wife Phyllis and little Phoebe, Wallace, and Freya the opportunity to see them from the top of the roller coaster lift hill.”

Mr. Gould acknowledged that this kind of special moment with nature does have a bit of a price tag attached to it, but explained that the benefits far outweighed the cost.  “We’re going to have a special time in the Great Outdoors, and that doesn’t come cheap.  It’s not like I can just find a place near our home that offers a free path to go walk through the woods or something, amiright?”

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