CPR graduate would only perform rescue breathing on hot chick

JOT ‘EM DOWN, TEXAS — Recent CPR class graduate Gage Gamble, 24, is excited about being trained to render aid to some of the general public.  “What I just learned could save someone’s life,” he states.  “I’m not sure about doing it on just anyone, though… you’d have to be a pretty hot chick for me to do rescue breathing on you.”

Despite the possibility of biohazard transference, Mr. Gamble would selflessly ignore the risk if a girl was hot enough.  “I mean, yeah, it could be kind of gross, but it could save her life.  I’m willing to take that upon myself because she could fall in love with me or want to make out with me later, because yeah, I saved her life.  Kinda like a modern-day Prince Charming to her Sleeping Beauty, ya know?”

Mr. Gamble sees his selectivity as a contribution to society in another way as well.  “If somebody ugly dies, doesn’t that make the gene pool hotter?  Survival of the fittest means that my kids are gonna always have someone hot to date!”

We here at The Hiking Times salute Mr. Gamble’s dedication to the betterment of his fellows and the human race as a whole.

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