PORCUPINE, NORTH DAKOTA — Franklin Sanford took a moment to salute a fallen companion of many years and miles. “We’ve been through a lot, buddy, and you have always been there for me. I’m gonna miss you out there on the trail. It’s not gonna be the same without you.”
With a sniff, Mr. Sanford placed the shattered carcass within a plastic recycling bin. “You deserve better than this, but I’m honoring your wishes of Recycling Code 7 as stated on the bottom. I know you believed in rebirth so I hope you come back as something cool.”
Mr. Sanford took a last look at the recycling bin. “Wow, when I think of where we’ve been together, I get a little teary. I’d drink to you if only I had a shatterproof, BPA-free, lightweight drinking vessel suitable to my lifestyle and emblazoned with the logo of an educational establishment, location, sports team, or manufacturer of outdoor gear with which I identified to do so with. Bye buddy!”
Mr. Sanford’s wife Pippa reminded him of the collection of 56 other Nalgenes he bought and never used that fall out of the cabinet every darn time she has to get in there.