FROGVILLE, OKLAHOMA — Niko Cain’s friendly greeting on the trail hides a secret. While he nods and wishes everyone he meets “Happy Trails!” with a smile, inside he’s categorizing those wearing blue jeans as incompetent pseudo-hikers only one misstep away from a search and rescue call.
“Denim is so like the worst thing anyone could wear on the trail,” Mr. Cain expounds. “Cotton kills! Haven’t they ever heard that before?” he queries, referring to the general hiking community distaste for the stylish casual wear of choice for western culture. This antipathy is based upon denim’s water-absorbent properties that remove insulative value, substantial added weight when soaked, and long drying period.
“These people shouldn’t even be on the trail,” he opines. “I mean, what are the chances they’re prepared in any other meaningful way when they aren’t even dressed properly? Stylish and practical convertible pants like I’m wearing have so much more use out here!”
He can, though, think of a few cases where denim is appropriate. “If you are a fan of hypothermia, chafing, and extra weight, by all means wear those blue jeans!”